Finding God in the tough times

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you’, declares the Lord,
‘Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a
future."

This is God's promise to us.

Have you ever found yourself in a rough patch in life? Maybe you're in a tight spot financially and aren't sure if you can pay your bills this month or even feed yourself. You've just ended a relationship that you thought for sure was promising. You recently lost someone dear to your heart. Perhaps you have anxiety about a situation in your life that doesn't make sense to you. You feel like you're at a dead end. You feel like your life is falling apart at the seams. Ready to give up?

In situations like these, it's all too common for us to take our focus off of God and lose hope. Remember... God promises to prosper us. He promises to give us hope and a future. God has given us promises that we can rely on when we are in need of comfort and assurance and He is always true to His word.

God uses tough times to direct us. He uses problems in our lives to point us in new directions and down new paths. He does this to refine us and mold us into steadfast followers of Christ. 1 Peter 5:10 "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." When we are suffering, we often feel as though our pain will never end. Peter assures us that our sufferings will only be for a little while.

Proverbs 16:9 says, "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." You can make your plans, but God will direct them and often he'll direct them through the problems that arise in your own plans. These problems arise to get our attention. CS Lewis said, "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pain; It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." God uses distress to open our eyes. Job 36:15, (The Message) "But those who learn from their suffering, God delivers from their suffering."

What did Job do when faced with difficulty? He cried out and praised God. What did Daniel do when he was thrown into the lion’s den? He simply praised God. What do I find myself doing all too often when I'm faced with troubles? I worry. I complain. I lose hope instead of praising God. Hold on. Stop right there for a moment. Do you see the problem here? God has a solution and a reason for my troubles. Even if His solution is not what I want, it is His perfect Will. I should be praising Him and trusting Him to see me through. I should be trusting that He knows exactly what He is doing and that He knows what is best for me and how to mold me.

If we continue to focus on the problem, and not on God, the problem will win. If you want advice, if you want comfort, if you want a direction to go in; turn to God in Christ Jesus. He has promised you a hope and a future. He has promised to lead you the way. He has promised to restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

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I wrote that because yesterday I've was struggling a lot and needed to be reminded that God is going to see me through. I'm trying to get my taxes done and I was worried because it's looking like I'm going to owe money instead of receive the tax return I was hoping for and really truly needing. I'm trying to get caught up on a few things financially right now and already living barely paycheck to paycheck. There are days when I don't eat as much as I should. There are days where I'm lucky to fill up the gas tank. Times are tough and sometimes it's really hard to see a way out. But... there is a way out and that way is through Jesus Christ.

I happened across Matthew 6:25-34 today. It says:

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.



Don't let your worries about tomorrow affect your relationship with God today.

A Rescuer

I seem to always forget I have a blogspot and would really like to get into writing more in here. I'm just so used to writing in my handwritten journal that I forget about my online one.

I wrote this poem a little while ago. I've been through an awful lot in my life and no matter what, God has always been there ready to grab hold of me and comfort me. He is my rescuer.

A Rescuer

Below a watchful moonlight’s glow
Across thickets bound in thorns
There find you a little weeping girl
A heart in pain; her clothes are torn

Confined to misery by hidden chains
There she pines to wash away memories
drown her bruises and hurt amongst tears
Yearn to release restricting holds; to be set free

A caged bird watching the world spin by
She lay in tall grass gazing at skies above
Sobbed a melody; a tune of hopeful pleas
For rescue from a sadness she’d grown tired of

A man soon found her among the thicket
Reached down to wipe away her tears
He picked the girl up; carried her out of thorns
Whispered gently, “You have nothing to fear”

He took her to a nearby home in town
Washed her feet; wiped the dirt from her skin
Wrapped a blanket around her shoulders
And that’s when his own tears did begin

He wept for the pain she’d endured
He wept for the bruises she hid behind
The girl turned and hugged the sobbing man
Couldn’t understand why he’d been so kind

She turned to him once again and said
“I’m nothing, who are you and why this fuss?”
He replied, “I love you my daughter. You’re everything to me
And by the way, You ask my name. My name is Jesus.”



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I know I'm not perfect. In fact, I screw up an awful lot, even when I try my hardest not to. I'm human. That doesn't mean I can't strive to be better. That doesn't mean I can't strive to live a life imitating Jesus. I know I don't always set a great example of a Christian. I do have that desire to be more though. I do have that desire to grow even closer to God. I need to take that next step though... plunge forward. What is holding me back? What is holding me down?

I wrote this as a note on my facebook and wanted to post it on here as well

Hey my fellow Christians. I have an honest question. Do you feel self-conscious in crowds? Maybe you're afraid to pray out loud during a Bible study where everyone can hear you. Maybe you're nervous to read a passage from the Bible out loud in a group setting because you may stutter, mispronounce a word or lose your place. Maybe you've been feeling called to stand in front of your church or family and talk about Jesus, yet you hesitate. Why do you hesitate? You feel like everyone's eyes are on you. You worry about what they may think of you. Today is the day to get past those fears and stand up in front of everyone.

Most of us feel self-conscious in front of crowds and would much prefer to blend in with everyone else like a chameleon rather than be singled out. Imagine how self-conscious you may feel if you were deformed in any way or had something unusual or different about you that might cause people to stare. Mark 3:3 "Jesus said to the man with the shriveled hand, "Stand up in front of everyone." The man stood up and upon further instruction from Jesus, he stretched his hand out and his hand was fully restored in verse 5.

So why did Jesus ask the man with the shriveled hand to stand up? Why does Jesus ever ask us to step out in front of people? Why does he single us out at times? It isn't because he wants us to feel humiliated or feel like we're being made a spectacle of. When God singles us out from the crowd and asks us to stand up in front of everyone, it's because hes about to do something amazing that will bring him glory. The man with the shriveled hand was healed. What does God want to do in your life? You're going to have to stand up in front of everyone to find out.

This has been a huge area of difficulty in me for the longest time and has also been a huge area of change in me within the last few months. I used to be so afraid to be singled out, but I've really learned to plunge forward and just do it. I prayed out loud in front of a group for the first time ever a few months ago and I led my first Bible study discussion a few weeks ago. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It's not always easy taking that step forward, but I can assure you that God is doing something amazing in my life right now to bring him glory. It's is because I have chosen to stand up in front of everyone. I try not to have fear about what others may think of me because in all honesty, this is about God. Fear is lack of faith guys. Remember that.

-Your sister in Christ

A friend of mine commented this and here's part of my response

While I've definitely come a LONG way in building up more confidence in stepping up to the plate without worrying about what others think of me, I still do find myself occasionally trying to convince myself to remain quiet and in shadows so no one will notice me. My biggest set backs are my fears and worries. I'm just always reminding myself that both fear and worrying are indications that I'm not putting full faith in God.

There's one quote about worrying that I heard once and it's stuck with me ever since.

"Worry never empties tomorrow of its sorrow, but it does empty it of its strength." Think about it.

A different kind of love

Last night was most interesting. Brendan came by to drop off a few items of mine that had found their way lost in his house. I wasn't sure what to expect. I had no clue if it was going to be awkward or not.

I spent the entire day with an anxiety knot built up in my stomach. I'm not sure what about Brendan coming over made me feel so anxious. Maybe it was the uncomfortableness of a broken relationship colliding together for a moment. Maybe it was the act of him bringing over the last of my things. Maybe it was the awkward silence that was bound to make it's way into the room. Maybe it was some of the residual feelings that I still feel for him. Whatever it was; it had me feeling bound and sickly for the remainder of the day.

I think I had to remind myself to breathe a couple times as I waited for him to show up. Finally he did. We managed to talk a little with only a few small bouts of awkward silence. Mainly we just discussed what's been going on in our lives which served as a distraction to block my mind from resorting back to that night where we broke things off and the hurt I felt. I probably should have just grabbed my things and showed him to the door, but a huge part of me was really curious to know how he's been since I still do genuinely care about him.

Finally the moment came for him to go and we said our goodbyes. He shuffled out the door and a minute later I heard the familiar sound of his jeep starting up and rolling away.

I'd like to think that one day he and I can maybe be friends. Time will tell. I'm glad that we can at least be adults about it. One thing this visit did was help me to clarify the thoughts that I had been reasoning in my mind for a while now; that I no longer desire a relationship with him. Sure I still love him. I don't think that will diminish anytime soon, if ever. A part of me will probably always love him to a degree, but that love has already begun the process of dwindling into a very different kind of love.

I know God has someone out there planned for me. I don't believe in "the one" so to speak, but I do believe that there is a person who would be better suited with me.

A new me; a change I can be proud of

I can't believe it's been so long since I've written in here. An awful lot has changed and I'm no longer the person I was when I last posted.

Brendan and I broke up back in June. I have to say it was the worst best thing that could have ever happened to me. I absolutely still love him, but my love for him has changed into a different kind of love. I can't say that when I see him I don't still feel all jittery inside, but I've changed so much that I can resist giving into the butterflies and letting them control my actions.

I was lost. I'm now found. I was broken. I am mending. God is responsible for this change in me for he has completely touched my heart and rocked my world. I needed this breakup with Brendan. As much as I feel for him and as much as I didn't want to break up; I needed this opportunity to take a step back and evaluate my life. I was exhausting myself running from God. I was exhausting myself giving in to my own fleshly desires. I was exhausting myself thinking I could do it on my own.

Back in August, a friend of mine invited me to Elevation. Elevation is an evening church service on Sundays that's mainly built up of young adults. I had been struggling with my past a few weeks prior. My past and the pain from it had been my primary focus for a while and I was constantly submerging myself back into that past in attempt to drown myself in the sorrow; in my own self calamity.

My very first night at Elevation was the beginning; the beginning of a new me; a girl who desired a true and deep relationship with God. The topic that night? Dealing with your past and learning to let go and let God. It gives me chills still to this day when I think back to that night. I was in tears, but I tried to hide them so that my friend wouldn't notice I was crying. I was touched. I feel like my eyes were opened finally.

Since then I made the decision to be baptized and did so in the Potomac river. That was an experience I will not EVER forget. I've also made many MANY new friends through Elevation. I love everyone there so much. They're amazing people and they really do have hearts on fire for God.

I pray for Brendan all the time. He doesn't know this. I haven't told him and probably wont. I know he doesn't read my blogs so I don't mind mentioning it here and if he does decide by some miracle to read them then well... maybe he wont mind that I pray for him. I don't see him often enough now to know where he is at with God, but I do know where he was at during our relationship and around the time we broke up. I pray that someday he'll completely surrender himself to God, reach out to God and desire a relationship with God. I'm not hoping that Brendan will grow closer to God so that we could possibly have a relationship together again or anything. I honestly don't think I could date him again. But... I still care about him and I still desire for him to have a closer relationship with God.

Taken from a strand of time

Wow... it seems as if I've almost given up blogging. Unfortunatly in a place where time never stands still; I find myself falling behind in the recording of my journeys. Every single day is a new adventure and I yearn to taste it. Some days are pretty shitty while others have me bursting into ecstatic mode like a shaken soda can. Each day holds something new whether I'm ready for it or not. I just have to buckle up my boots, stand up and face it.



A lot has been going on though there's no need for a novel of description. Just know that recent discoveries have pushed me to re-evaluate some of the friendships I've treasured in the past and some of the failed friendships that were never destined for success anyways. Am I upset? A little. Still, there's no reason for me to allow any such drama to destroy who I am. I allowed myself to burn inside over this whole situation for a bit, but I've now realized that the individual in question is not worth me getting upset over. Life is too short to dwell over that which really cannot be changed. You just keep on in forward motion and hope that you'll eventually find some sort of steady ground. I feel that I am strong enough inside to overcome any storm that blows my way. Still, sometimes I must remind myself of this inner strength at times when I feel most weak.



My life almost seems to have hit a dead halt at this present time. It's a temporary halt, but still a halt all the same. I've been thinking so much about goals I've yet to reach and how I can do so. My plan is that unless there are huge life proposals to be made in the near future that alter or delay my current direction; I will be looking to excercise my want to move to the Outer Banks much sooner. Once this entire car accident situation is completely sorted out then I'm going to sit down and plan my budget and pay the car off quicker if at all possible. Please don't waste time lecturing me about moving when I currently have a debt to pay. I can assure you that my car will be paid off before I make any such rash decision to move. We'll see how the course of life and relationships flow this year and my decision will be made accordingly. Still, regardless of any changes that come up I hope to move to the Outer Banks at some point in the next few years.

Here comes yet another new year

Here we are at the rise of a new year. As always I choose to begin the new year with a resolution or some sort of goal that I intend to meet that year. It's not that January 1st should be the only time for setting goals... but the beginning of a new year is symbolistic in that it signifies a fresh start. With that fresh start comes opportunities to achieve your goals, try new things, whatever takes a bite of your cake I say.
Anyways, I've decided to start this new year off with a few goals. One of which was to move. Yes I know, I move more often then anyone I know. I think it's in part because I have a hard time finding a place to call home, but of course I have my other reasons. I've given my 30 day notice and I'm packing up again. I really liked the family I was living with, but that's the thing. I was living with a family and in a family-like setting. I really need to be living in a more roommate situation with people my own age and I'd really like to be able to pay less rent and get started working towards my future career as a dog behavioral specialist/trainer. That is my so called New Year's Resolution as some would put it. Though it is of my opinion that goals and resolutions shouldn't be limited to only being made at the breaking of a New Year.
I do want to start this year with a clean slate. I have goals. I have passion hobbies that I want to take advantage of now while I'm still young and have all the time in the world to do so. I have ideas that I want to flirt with to see what I can mold the thoughts into. There's so much I want to accomplish this year... and not only this year, but every year from this point forward. Every moment I want to spend working hard to achieve the passions I have in life.
One thing I run into is that I have so many passions. Anyone who knows me knows this. I'm a complete dreamer. I'd like to think it secretly runs in the family, but no one else chooses to admit that they too dream. I ride horses. I kayak. I draw. I paint. I write. I photograph. I love working with dogs. Agility. I love to camp. I love to hike. So many passions that I don't know where to start. The fact that I'm good at many things reminds me of something my Grandpa used to always say to us kids before he passed on. It is better to be good at many things then to be great at just one. Those words will escort me and stick by my side for the remainder of my life.
Anyways... there's my little unfinished tid bit for the day. I really have to get back to work. Way too much to catch up on after the holidays. I want to wish everyone a happy new year. Challenge yourselves this year. Meet a goal. Love a little and laugh a lot. I love you all!